Baby Rory.

One year ago today, a nurse confirmed what we already knew–we’d lost our second baby.  The weeks prior had been spent trying to convince ourselves that we’d receive better news, that all signs pointing to a pregnancy loss were just a variation of “normal.”  But by the time the nurse called me with the test results, we knew. 

Because few people knew I was pregnant at that point, few people found out then about the loss.  Since then, it’s come up in conversation every now and then.  I’m a pretty open person, and I don’t mind talking about it (at least not now), but I’ve noticed that pregnancy loss is a really awkward subject for some.  I can recall a few people asking “When should we be expecting a second Neely baby”, to which I’d reply honestly that I’d just miscarried a baby due in December and wasn’t sure what would happen next.  This almost always elicited backtracking and often some really stupid comments (“Well, I’ll bet you’re relieved, right?” being the least sensitive). 

Pregnancy loss is not a shameful thing.  Despite the occasional fleeting doubt, I know I did nothing to cause it–my body did exactly what it was supposed to.  If someone is comfortable sharing that painful part of their life story with you, I plead with you to offer support, not stupidity, and tact, not advice.  It’s a long path to healing, physically and emotionally, and ignorant words or even misguided attempts to comfort (“It’s all in God’s plan”) are not appropriate.

I’ll probably always feel a tinge of sadness on that December due date, but being open about the loss and connecting with other women who have been through the same ordeal (sadly, a rather large club) has been healing.  I’m okay now.  By the grace of God, I’m okay.

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4 Responses to Baby Rory.

  1. Cherry Neely says:

    I wish we had known. I too lost a baby, our third. It was a heart wrenching time. Between the pain of loss, the shifting hormones and the demands of a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, I was not sure which way was up. God’s grace was and is sufficient. Those who were insensitive, and there were quite a few, meant well, but they did not understand that we felt strongly that each child is a gift and precious in His eyes. You are right. The club of this shared sorrow is a pretty large one. We love you.

    • I appreciate your comment–BJ had told me about your loss. It seems like so many women I know have had to go through that (my mom included, when I was little) and so few talk about it! Love you too. 🙂

  2. Ariel Hobbs says:

    Wow, this is so very true. I wholeheartedly, and a little brokenheartedly, agree with you. ❤ Hugs!!! Can't wait to see our little angel babies someday.

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